Don’t Be Surprised if the Happy Couple Requests Monetary Wedding Gifts

Back in the old days, when a bride and groom were to be married, family and friends gifted them with small items to help them in their new life as a married couple. Ladies would give the young bride showers where she would receive small gifts to help her start her new home. These gifts were usually very small and inexpensive. The invited ladies and their husband would later give the happy couple a wedding present that would be more expensive. Nothing extravagant but nice. Again those were the old days. Now everything has changed. As weddings have become extravaganzas, the presents are expected to more and more expensive. At least the bride and groom expect nicer presents.

Yes, wedding gifts have become expected rather than a surprise. Brides and their grooms register for elaborate gifts and hope that their friends will get the hint. They rationalize that if they or their parents are spending thousands of dollars on the wedding, then the guest need to cough off the dough for them.

There are numerous letters to Dear Abby asking if etiquette allows a bride and groom to tell their guests what they want. They rationalize that most people would rather give them something they truly want or need rather than risk disappointment with a poor gift. Now the problem is how to get the point across without appearing crass or rude. The answer to this query is no. Asking for money is just not done in polite company.

Why in the world would be think most people today are interested in being polite? For the most part the “Gimme” generation is not interested in what old folks think is polite. They are interested in results. Case in point. A couple wants to take a very expensive honeymoon but lack the necessary funds. The wedding has left them tapped out. In order to pay for the honeymoon, they register at a local travel agent for their dream vacation. When a hostess sends out invitations for the shower, they read, “instead of gifts, the happy couple would appreciate your making a donation to their honeymoon at Sayers Travel Agency.” What do you do? Do you refuse and give them a coffeemaker and look bad or do you give in and make the donation? Now that is the million dollar question. Feel like you are being held hostage; well you are,.

Another nice trick is for the couple who wants a great wedding but can’t afford the price tag. They want a lovely church wedding with flowers and a fabulous reception with food, liquor, and a band. Without the money, what can they do? They can include a little card in the invitation which reads, “Instead of gifts, the bride and groom request monetary wedding gifts as we have lived together for years and already have everything we need. Thanks for helping us to have a lovely wedding.” Basically you are paying to go to the wedding. If you want to go to the wedding, you are expected to pay up. Tacky, yes. Materialistic yes. But if you want to go to the wedding honor the request for monetary wedding gifts or refuse and stay home.

What has the world coming to? Many people feel that we are becoming more and more uncivilized. Who knows? I am quite sure that many young couples would have no problem asking for monetary wedding gifts but are afraid to aggravate their parents. As he years go by, I wouldn’t be surprised if monetary gifts became the norm.

2007 Janice D. Sterling - All Rights Reserved

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